How do I get to where I want to be in life?

In some of my previous blogs I’ve spoken at length around how I’ve spent a large
part of my life looking for something or someone to fix me and make me happy. Be it a
Therapist, running trainers, or even chocolate, and none of them really helped me until I
learned the great life lesson of taking personal responsibility. I’ve been thinking a lot
recently around what stops me, and other people like me taking responsibility.


Responsibility can seem to many of us a big thing, I know it did for me. “Responsibility, wow
that sounds a bit too much like hard work, I’m not sure that I’m up for that, what if I get it
wrong. Responsibility is too difficult” were normally my mental responses to thinking about
responsibility, “It’s much easier if someone does the responsible bit for me!” (can you spot
the powerful limiting beliefs here that can stop us from taking responsibility?)


The real irony of responsibility for me, is that I spent so many years buying into these
beliefs that I couldn’t do responsibility, that I hadn’t realised how unhappy I’d become. In
taking what I believed to be the “easy route” I’d actually taken myself to a point where I was
so unhappy and disempowered. Fast forward to today where I am taking responsibility and I
am so much happier and so much more empowered. I am taking responsibility for my
happiness, for my health, for my work, and for my relationships.


That is all well and good you may say, but how do we get from where we are to
where we want to be? The first step is awareness of what we are thinking and what beliefs
we hold around responsibility. This is a realisation that we are in a reactive state, behaving
unconsciously because of our thoughts. We are coming from memory every time we buy
into these thoughts of “I can’t do it, it’s too difficult” or whatever the thought or thoughts
that you are having. The second step is to really spend time sitting with these thoughts and
seeing if they are true. What is the truth about these thoughts. “It’s too difficult” for
example. Well, was it really that difficult to lace up my trainers as I mentioned in my last
blog
and put one foot in front of the other, was it really that difficult to sit down with a pad
and pen and write out what my dream job would look like. The answer is of course no.
The first steps to Responsibility are in fact simpler than we think. Our minds will tell us that
responsibility is such a big thing, responsibility is taking on running the world. You only have
to Google responsibility and it brings up phrases that include ‘duty, control, accountable,
blame, decisions, authorisation’, to realise that this might cause some fears to rise inside us.
However, start with the little things like I did around taking responsibility for my health,
what I put in my mouth, what came out of my mouth (my words) taking responsibility for
doing things around the house.
Start living this new truth, and you will start to see big change in your life, and when you see
the old beliefs come up, you will know they have no longer have power over you.

For those of you familiar with the SEJ, you will see that I’ve begun to describe the 4-
step process that is the SEJ. The process that I used to take me from a place of listening to
these limiting beliefs that caused me to live a life REACTING to my fears, to a place of
RESPONDING to life. This is a place that where we don’t give our fears any airtime, we listen
to what life is asking us to do and we RESPOND from a place of power. After all, that’s all
responsibility is: It’s not this heavy fear of taking on responsibility for running the world and
keeping everyone happy, it’s the ability to respond to what is asked of us, or what we need
to do in that moment – RESPONSE – ABILITY. The ability to respond.

Live in joy

Elliot

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