Helping deal with grief

I sadly lost my mother to cancer about 15 years ago, and I found this very hard to process
and deal with at the time. I shut a lot of the grief off and tried to hide it away in a deep part
of my mind so that I didn’t have to deal with it. Like a pressure cooker, eventually the
pressure must vent out somewhere, this grief began to come out.

I began to close off from life and drink more to deal with the grief that started to come to
the surface. Drink became a great coping method for me, as it numbed the pain, but it
eventually led to a drink problem.

All my friends and family helped me, but I still wasn’t in a great place for probably 5 years.
Fast forward to now, as I sadly lost my father a week ago to cancer. This time around the
process for me was so much different to losing my mother.

As I have been practicing the SEJ process for a while now, I notice 2 distinct things.
Firstly, I was able to use the SEJ process on the thoughts that were coming up leading up to
my dad passing away, and after his death. Using the SEJ really did help me through this
process. The second and most interesting thing for me was that I began to see the
separation between my thoughts and me, I was able to see the thoughts that I was thinking
about dad and grief and see that they weren’t me.

This process I found fascinating as I could observe all the thoughts my mind wanted me to
“buy into” so that I could be sad.
I found myself at one point sat on a wall for over half an hour with a smile on my face just
observing these thoughts.

I have been able to process dad’s death in a way that I never could with my mum and make
peace with the whole situation.
I learned that the SEJ is a very powerful process and helped me with the death of a loved
one. I also learned first-hand that when you practice the SEJ, after a while it begins to work
through you. This is what I meant when I could just observe my thoughts and the SEJ
process working to show me that these thoughts weren’t true.

Even in such a potentially serious and painful thing as losing a loved one, I could still see the
Believe me the SEJ is a powerful process when you use it!

Live in joy

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2 Responses
  1. Dr Mariko Kishi

    Thank you Elliot for sharing this inspiring and powerful blog, truly touched by your experience. So grateful to have read this today. thank you
    M x

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